… Maybe it’s why you see patterns so much —
It made me get something, because now I could clearly see, how life is composed of this infinite matrix of patterns, and that we are each a piece, fitting into the overall gestalt of it.
I was thinking a few days ago, that not all of us are necessarily here to be existential, but for those of us who are, how the moment itself can be sticky --
Referring to, in particular, these darker episodes. --
How being in the moment can also look like the fear of that moment lasting an eternity, with no way out, even though we *know* that that is impossible. It just sometimes is difficult to be in the thick of it, and is even more difficult to simply be there
I had my first mushroom trip a few days ago --
Well, two days in a row actually.
No, I'm not micro-dosing -- after watching a live comedy show on psychedelics by Shane Mauss in Santa Fe, who said micro-dosing for 'healing' purposes is silly --
The whole point of tripping, as far as my completely amateur understanding goes, would be to sort of shake up, or even shock yourself out of your outdated, normal patterns of thought & behaviour. At least that was the conclusion I personally came to, when I researched the hell out of serotogenic psychedelics in college.
And, interestingly, we had 25-51, the channel of initiation, for a week or so in collective transits. 51 is the gate of shock --
Ra had the entire channel, and thought it was for his gate 51 that he was able to withstand the shock of his encounter with the Voice.
25-51, being initiated into a kind of dark night of the soul, was also active during my last attempt at a psychedelic experience, DMT, with a human design professional in Oceanside, San Diego… It didn't have any kind of strong effect on me.
In either case, I was explicitly invited.
25-51 is, after all, a projected channel --
One must be invited into a new way of being.
So it is curious that in line with that, there is this widespread cultural trope, that you don't seek out psychedelics, they find you.
On the first day's dose, my ego (and by that, I mean my personality) came out in really bizarre ways —
Like, I was saying things to Devin, long after the perceptible effects wore off, that were open throat ways of trying to attract attention -- something I just don't normally do with him.
It made me think of listening to Joe Rogan way back, when he spoke to his early experiences with ayahuasca --
About a week after ingesting it, he had this startling experience of driving down the highway, fantasizing about driving at full speed across the median, and into incoming traffic.
He interpreted it as his ego's way of re-asserting dominance.
This felt exactly like my experience, but of a far milder variety --
I hadn't taken a large enough dose to dismantle my ego-dominant hold on reality, so it was as if when that default state was even mildly challenged, it absolutely freaked.
The first day -- which was at a lower dose, and with Devin --- I picked a fight and near-verbally attacked him. I saw it as my version of the ego attempting to regain dominance.
It does make sense that your ego would make a virulent attempt at reminding you of its singular & isolated importance, whenever its dwarfed by realizing how intricately connected you are to everything… Part of the pattern, or overall web of life, etc.
The biggest concentration of energy in my natal chart, is Scorpio in the 7th house…