And nothing is worth being thrown off yourself, nothing. It's better to live in a hut and have no money -- and have you.
& a voice memo demonstrating the art of being a projector
For full context of the title quote, from this interview with Mary Winiger:
The interviewer was asking Mary about why her emotional experience is much different, more frantic, when she’s at home versus when she’s out in the world on her own.
I immediately thought, she must be experiencing a particular kind of pressure at home. It’s likely that the years of conditioning to be a certain way at home, and the deeply entrenched pattern that that is, is something she doesn’t know how to break out of yet.
In Mary’s words:
My sense is you really need to be comfortable saying ‘I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what we’re going to eat. If you’re hungry, eat something’… to not take that on you.
—to not take that pressure on you because then your mind starts swirling, ‘Well I should know, I’ve got the business, and this —’
And the body is doing this, and then you’re thrown off yourself.
And no thing is worth being thrown off you, nothing. It’s better to live in a hut and have no money. And have you.
Below the paywall is the full, 7 min excerpt from an audio recording with my HD teacher, John Martin, who passed on June 13th. It’s from our last session back in April of 2021.
I’ve told a few people that in talking with him, was the only time I’ve ever experienced what it’s like for your mind — for whatever length of time, however briefly — to be completely dismantled. Almost like you’re being suspended in a void. Also, you can tell how much more uncomfortable I was in myself.
It might also be the only time I’ve understood what it means to be a projector — not just as an intellectual exercise, but through actual demonstration, him being it. In any case, his version of what it is to be one is not something I have encountered since.
It’s the one session with him that until now, I haven’t listened back on — and woah, what an experience that was. A couple months after is when I went to Gili Air, Indonesia, where I stayed for the next 6-8 months. And it was there that my awareness took off. I began to relax into myself, as well as understand the things he’d been telling me all along. It took two years for these things that he repeated ad infinitum, to sink in… or, at least it took that long to reach a conscious level.
To be concrete: It wasn’t until Gili that I refrained from looking at a client’s chart before our live session. Prior to that, I did not know how to have a session without preparing first… which, if you understand my design — what a joke. I should be able to glance at a chart and in that moment, know what it is I’m dealing with. That’s how thrown off base I was from any sense of who I am, and what my function is here, etc
The full, 7 minute clip is below the paywall.
If you’d like access to my content but can’t swing the $10/mo fee, then reach out to me.